This is what I mean: I want to do my internship in-depth (well). I want to do ministry in-depth (well). I want to have deep relationships and do them well. I want to put my full-time in each and everyone of those areas, but realize that I can't put 100% of my time in Internship, or %100 of my time in leading worship, or 100% of my time in relationships. Why? Because I am in all three of those "sectors" of life (having a job, having a ministry, being in a relationship). So clearly there are some things that I need to balance in my life, right? Balancing the amount of time that I put in-depthness in relationships, internship, and ministry right?
So up to now, I have been struggling with that. Balancing all of those things, is hard. Really hard. But that is life. Balancing out those things. To be completely transparent: there are times that I have just wanted to quit. To just say: "Peace out Internship. I'm gonna put you on hold and come back to you later. Peace out ministry. I'm gonna put you on hold and come back to you later. Peace out relationships, I'm gonna put you guys on hold and come back to you later". But here is some wisdom that I have RECEIVED from Him.
This is life John.
You will always have ministry.
Why?
because:
that's what I've called you to in every season.
(i.e. Great Commission)
You will always have a job.
Why?
Paul was a tent maker. He had to provide for himself to "sustain" the ministry
I gave to Him
(i.e. Acts 20.24)
You will always have relationships.
Why?
That's the way I have wired every single person.
This leads me to conclude several things. I think we as college students always use this cop out:
"Well I just have a lot of school work, that's why I can't come to church. Or, I would have come to bible study but I have a big test the next day. Or, I haven't been able to get in the Word because I had to get up early for class. Or I can't get to involved in ministry because I'm involved with some other campus organization"
[1] The list goes on and on. But the point is this: Those cop outs will ALWAYS be there. They might just look a little bit different. "I have a job, I can't get involved in ministry. I haven't been getting in the Word because I have to get up early for work/kids..."
[2] The other thing that I have concluded, is how important it is to be in a body of believers. Just as much as you need the body (fellowship, worship, communion), the body needs you. [The "Body" that I am referring to is, the Church. Not a denomination, but a congregation of believers]. Now saying that, "the body needs you", is a scary phrase for some but it goes back to scripture, I believe. For some of us, we are all part of the body. We all have different functions but we are all, nonetheless, part of the body. We cannot ignore the other parts, because we are all connected (in/through Christ).
So where do "I" fit into this picture? I need the body of Christ in this season of life, as a source of Biblical Encouragement, sharpening my mind, testing what is good, renewing of my mind, challenging me to set my thoughts on things that are above and below, refining me through fellow believers (which is a whole other blog post, "Believers as Refiners"). But I am in desperate need of community right now. My soul thirst for fellow believers. Being in a place where there is constant destruction before my eyes, after awhile it can become so discouraging.
The Church needs YOU? Yes, the Church needs you. Fellow believers need you. Sounds really selfish and arrogant, doesn't it? "The Church needs me!" If we boil it down to it's essence, the Church needs Christ, right? The Church needs her Groom, right? Well here's a truth for you to debate: Christ (that groom we speak of), lives in you! The Church needs men and women that are wholly surrendered and consecrated to Him. Men and women that desire to make His name known among the nations. The Church needs men and women that share life [speak true life (John 14.6) into people's lives] with messed up people. The Church needs wise old men and women to disciple young immature children of God. Teaching them. Rebuking them. Discipling them. That's what the Church needs. The Church needs people that are being discipled. Whatever part of that process you are in. Here's an excerpt of what I'm talking about:
Disciple Making and Reproducing
If there are four steps of Christianity in this aspect, where are you?
1. Convert (Recognize need of a Savior, humbly submit to Christ's Lordship)
2. Disciple (Learning)
3. Disciple Maker (Sharing with others' about Christ's love and sacrifice)
4. Reproducer (Multiplying- seeing those you have discipled go out and convert other non-believers, discipling them)
I think too often we get stuck between two and three. We don't know how to disciple, therefore we may or may not have been discipled.
But another element to this is clarifying: discipleship is not just walking someone through the Word. (That's HUGE, don't get me wrong!) But it is also modeling evangelism (defn: zealous preaching and advocacy of the gospel).
It is modeling daily life to them, it is showing that disciple how to share with others'.
We are called to make disciples of all nations, yet how many of us are really doing that intentionally?
You and I need the Church because we are in that process (or should be) of being discipled, discipling someone else, or Reproducing.
I have found encouragement in high places. Honestly, it hasn't been easy. It hasn't been easy getting up early in the morning. It hasn't been easy doing this internship. It hasn't been easy doing ministry. It hasn't been easy having a relationship and maintaining other relationships. So being in this situation has literally forced me to look for Him. It's not easy, always finding Him. I know that sounds un-biblical, or even un-christianese. But it's the honest truth. I heard a quote from Paul Washer that said, "After what some would call the 'honey-moon' experience of being converted, He does not so much work life into you, as much as He works death into you. Meaning, He doesn't begin drawing Himself closer to you, but rather drawing Himself away from you, in order that you might depend on Him more". Faith, ladies and gentleman. Faith. It hasn't been easy finding encouragement from Him, more often than none, I do not hear a booming voice from above telling me what to do. He's calling me to look/search/seek and He has been faithful to show up.
I leave you with this real life example:
-In the beginning of my internship, things were going well. I felt like the Lord was leading me very clearly. Opening and closing doors very blatantly. My time in the Word was excellent, receiving a lot of fruit from pressing into Him. The ministry that I was (and still am) was just connecting, the way He was leading.
-Somewhere toward this part of my life, I have found that the Lord is not blatantly leading me as so apparent as before. The doors aren't slamming shut. My time in the Word is not always fruitful, but it still remains consistent. Not always getting a lot out of my time in the Word, but still trying to be obedient to it.
*What was so apparent and clear at the beginning is not so apparent right now. He is asking me, " Entrust me with more John. Step by step. Trust me. Step by step. Let go of the things that you are holding. Step by step. Trust in me John. Surrender unto me the things that you are holding onto. Step by step. Let me take control of everything in your life John. All things work out for the good of those who I have called, and I have called you. Trust in me. Love, Jesus".
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